Jaune's Diss Track on Salem
by Darren Grey
Summary: 2 am on New year's 2019. Was half asleep when writing this. Bitch Lasagna is PewDiePie's song


Jaune stood on the beach, staring at the ocean, sunglasses covering his eyes and his signature pumpkin pete hoodie over his head. He turned, facing the camera, ready to drop bars. He stood before the Arc home, their fence behind him.

 _I don't like you Salem_

 _Nothing personal kid_

 _But I must go all out_

 _Just this once_

 _[Verse_ _1]_

 _Bobs or vegana, whichever will it be?_

 _Sit the fuck down Salem I'm here to spill the real tea (uh)_

 _You_ _tryna dethrone us from spot on number one_

 _But you Grimm you lose, so best think you haven't won_

 _When_ _I'm through with you_

 _We're gonna be completely fuckin' done_

 _'Cause we only just begun_

 _We destroy you, *clap clap* zero, bye bitch, gone_

Each clap changed the scenery from the beach to the home

 _So come on Salem looking hungry for some drama_

 _Here, let me serve you bitch lasagna_

 _[Chorus]_

 _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

 _Salem ain't nothing but a bitch lasagna_

Jaune stared straight at the camera, directly at the audience

 _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

 _Look at Salem she's just crying for her momma_ _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

 _Salem ain't nothing but a bitch lasagna_ _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

 _Salem just wet herself in her pajamas_

Jaune gestured to the camera as he spit hot disses at the grimm woman's expesnse, the extremely catchy tune backing every word

 _[Verse 2]_

 _So who the hell is Ozma and why you wanna kiss him? (ew)_

 _I'm a blue eyes white dragon while you're just dark magician (oof)_

 _You got a fifth of the Grimm in your land but_

 _I_ _got nine-year-olds of the world so hold Cindy's hand (oops)_

 _Eradication what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?_

 _Your plan sounds like it come from a mumble rap community_

 _No Papa, no Papa, yes Papa; Jauney_

 _Now down all of this sugar and let's throw this fucking party with some—_

 _[Chorus]_

 _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

Jaune began to do a popular yet cringe worthy dance from a kid's game, somehow making it cool

 _Look at Salem she's just crying for her momma_

 _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

 _Salem ain't nothing but a bitch lasagna_

 _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

Jaune laid in the sand as he sang, stomache down, a smile on his face

 _Look at Salem they just wet in their pajamas_

 _Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna_

 _Salem ain't nothing but a bitch lasagna_

 _[Bridge_ _]_

 _You_ _got a goal of one point three-two billion_

 _But most your attacks can't seem to kill even a million_

 _[Outro]_

 _Lame thot_

Jaune shouted this into the distance as the screen faded to black.

Nora stood before a laptop as Jaune smiled, slipping his sunglasses off, "Release it Nora, unleash hell." He said and handed Nora another pancake as she nodded eagerly, pressing the upload button as Ozpin/Oscar sat tied up in the back, struggling to escape his bindings.

-Meanwhile-

Emerald stared at her Flitter feed as it was filled with a song called 'Bitch Lasagna'. Mercury was snickering at the seemingly stupid name, until he clicked it and heard Jaune Arc's voice ring through, calling Salem out. All color drained from his face and he immediately ran to Salem's throne room, the music pouring out from his scroll. He burst open the door, handing his scroll to Watts, who confusidly passed the phone to Hazel who passed it to Salem, the video looping and restarting. Salem's face went from one lf confusion, to rage and then to one of absolute terror. The video had went extremely viral, the sheer hilarity making most of Remnant's negative energy weakening the grimm immensely. Suddenly she felt an absolutely massive drop in the population of Grimm, the humans and faunus had taken notice of the weakened Grimm, tearing through the creatures with ease.

Jaune, Ruby and the rest of the group burst through the wall of Salem's castle, brandishing their weapons and rushing in, taking them all by surprise. Ironwood had a fleet outside, and Watts, Tyrian, Hazel, Emerald and Mercury were cuffed, shile Ruby blasted Salem with Silver energy, turning her to stone. Thus the world of Remnant was saved by one diss track from Jaune Arc.


End file.
